[PeteSpencer]

I recommend Bryony Gordon’s first rate recently published new book : ´There’s No Such Thing As Normal’

Thanks, Pete. That looks worth a read - I've ordered it.

Consider reading her ‘Glorious Rock Bottom’ first which sets the scene and provides a neat run-in to the latest book described above which I think should be recommended reading for anyone with or dealing with a close family member experiencing mental health issues .

It also in my opinion explains why she is 'qualified' (small q) to write about such mental health matters as in 'There's no such thing.....'

She is at the same time one of the most entertaining yet brutally honest writers about today.

I have followed her and her self described descent into oblivion and subsequent escape through her DT writings over the last decade .

And her podcasts are first class (all in my opinion of course)

[NickS]

Lockdown 1 in particular, I got leaner and fitter. This one I have struggled to make myself do anything and without the encouragement of my daughter, I would have put down roots on the sofa. I lost my wife about four years ago and there are days when I feel that the kids lost the wrong parent...

Daughter, her partner and their dog decided to move in with me when this lockdown started, rather than be cooped up in a basement flat in London. Although we were "bubbled" before, the company has been great and I have got to know her partner very well over the last couple of months and he isn't a bad cook. I have learned forgiveness and tolerance, which is something that ebbs the longer you live alone, including the dog for digging holes in my newly laid turf.

[Propwash]

I have learned forgiveness and tolerance, which is something that ebbs the longer you live alone, including the dog for digging holes in my newly laid turf.

I am looking out of my study window at this moment at a young fox basking in the sunshine at the bottom of my garden. I think he lives on the nearby golf course and is a frequent, if not daily, visitor. He scoops out a bowl in which he likes to lie on the flower bank at the end of the lawn which drives my wife to distraction after she goes to so much trouble to plant it up. However, I forgive him just because I feel privileged to have such a beautiful creature visit us of its own free will. The cheeky blighter spends as long looking at me as I do him.

PW

[PeteSpencer]

At a considerably lower level I look forward to our local squirrel (grey I'm afraid) as he dashes along the 120 ft run that is the top of our garden fence (and neighbours') and totally sky-lined.

Twice daily: out 10.00am, back an hour before dusk: He seems to live in a massive sycamore just beyond the bottom of my neighbour's garden.

Our 'metal birds' put up after crimbo floored him: my wife watched as he collided with one at full pelt and cannoned 9ft to the ground: Didn't make the same mistake twice.........now does a flying leap right over them..

[Rob L]

At a considerably lower level I look forward to our local squirrel (grey I'm afraid) as he dashes along the 120 ft run that is the top of our garden fence (and neighbours') and totally sky-lined.

Twice daily: out 10.00am, back an hour before dusk: He seems to live in a massive sycamore just beyond the bottom of my neighbour's garden.

Our 'metal birds' put up after crimbo floored him: my wife watched as he collided with one at full pelt and cannoned 9ft to the ground: Didn't make the same mistake twice.........now does a flying leap right over them..

This might interest you, Peter (if you've not seen it before). Despite the obvious Americanisms, the author is quite appealing.

[avtur3]

One way that Covid is changing/affecting my life right now is the impact of dealing with a family member who has been hospitalised, for none Covid reasons, and is so poorly that we are now talking about palliative care.

My M-i-L, who has lived with us for nearly 3 years, was admitted to hospital 3 days ago. She has suffered from Parkinson's for the last 7 years and has a multitude of other issues including Asthma and a degenerative heart condition, she is extremely frail. My wife has done the most fantastic job of looking after her mum, not just for the 3 years she has lived with us, but for probably another 3-4 years before that.

M-i-L has picked up some sort of infection, chest or UTI, even now the doctors are not sure what, they have been treating her with ever-increasing doses of antibiotics, now intravenous since she was admitted, but there are no signs of improvement. M-i-L is a Swiss immigrant (all be it that was 60 years ago) but she still speaks with a pronounced German accent and is difficult to understand at the best of times. Latterly it has been imperative that my wife is on hand to enable communication with her mum. Now that M-i-L is in hospital and no visitors are allowed there is no one to speak up for her. It is the most frustrating and distressing situation.

The doctors have told us that they will make a decision, based on her clinical condition on Monday morning, about moving her into a palliative care environment. We understand that but the lack of being able to have any contact with M-i-L is heartbreaking beyond belief. We know that M-i-L has lost a lot of cognitive function, we are actually sitting here hoping that she has lost sufficient function that she doesn't realise she is in hospital and that no one is visiting her.

I'm not looking for sympathy but simply giving a first-hand account of how brutal even the knock-on effects of this damned virus are.

[T6Harvard]

Oh @avtur3 , I am so sorry. It's an impossible situation. I think the Govt advice is that she will be able to have one visitor if palliative, certainly the are home rules are allowing a visitor from 8th March, covid-tested (assume to protect staff and other patients). Take care of yourself and MrsA.

[AndyR]

It’s shocking and brutal. And you have my sympathy. I was denied seeing my mother for the last 6 months of her life last year. It’s nothing but cruel.

[Flyingfemme]

My M-i-L is in a similar condition; frail but with no particular condition that ought to kill her. She has been in, and out, of hospital all winter without (miraculously) contracting the dreaded virus. Last month she was admitted for 10 days in a ward full of similiarly afflicted old ladies. Luckily we were allowed a family member to visit. All the ladies were raving, crying, shouting that they had been locked up, abandoned and they didn’t understand why. My M-i-L phoned us, saying that she didn’t understand why she couldn’t come home because she had done nothing wrong.........The situation is hellish, with little help/contact from social services and the family trying to cope with someone who needs nursing care. Procedures, always slow, are running even more slowly “due covid” and there is no coordination in what little services are available. I wouldn’t treat my dog like that but people merit far less consideration, it seems.

[avtur3]

This is a post script to my post in early March, at that time my 85 year old M-i-L was in hospital, extremely poorly and weak, though not Covid related. In the hospital environment, as was the case for all patients, no visitors were allowed, that was very difficult to deal with.

A few days after my previous post on this thread M-i-L (Mum) was released from hospital, because there was no clinical reason to keep her there. She was extremely weak but no longer requiring clinical support, so she was released to a nursing home to be assessed in terms on further ongoing support.

Once she was in the nursing home we knew there was the possibility of visits, even if they were infrequent it was better than the hospital regime. The minute she was admitted to the nursing home a nurse took it upon herself to get my wife to visit asap, literally within hours. My wife was so excited to be able to visit, however the excitement was short lived. My wife visited and found a person she hardly recognised, such was the frailty of her mum's condition, my wife was in pieces when she arrived home.

Within a couple of days the nursing home called to say that Mum was being treated with end-of-life care. Having made that decision visiting was opened to several people every day, subject to the 30 minute Covid test before going in.

We've had four weeks of daily visits allowing all close family members to visit Mum pretty much as they wanted which has been a huge benefit to all concerned.

This morning Mrs Avtur received a call from the nursing home (she had the number assigned to its own ringtone) to say that Mum's breathing was deteriorating and we should make our way in asap, we live just 4 miles from the nursing home. We were in the car within a couple of minutes and on our way, on the journey we received another call to say that the nurse was with mum and holding her hand. On arrival at the home we were ushered straight in, save for the short time it took to don the necessary PPE, When we walked in it was obvious that Mum had just passed away, literally within the couple of minutes before we arrived.

We then spent an hour with Mum talking through all manner of reminiscences, it was hugely comforting to be able to do that. It is impossible to put a value on this time we were given to sit with her but it was so good that we had this option.

My reason for making this post is not to do with our loss, because I believe we've been incredibly lucky to fall outside some of the hospital boundaries imposed because of Covid. But, I (we) know that there are 10's of thousands of people who have lost loved ones over the last 15 month and who have not had any contact with their loved ones as their passing approached. I can't begin to think how distressing that has been.

Out government has many lessons to learn as a result of our reaction to and dealing with the consequences of Covid. One of those lessons must surely be a better and more dignified and compassionate way of dealing with those who are left behind

[MachFlyer]

Sorry for you & Mrs Avturs loss and you are absolutely correct

[TheKentishFledgling]

So sorry to read this @avtur3. Thanks for being so open on here throughout these difficult months.

[Rob P]

^^^^ What tKF says

Rob P

[T6Harvard]

So sorry @avtur3 .

You are absolutely right about the dreadful way the sick and dying have been isolated, and the suffering of their families that will last for ever.
Thank goodness your MiL's nursing home could do the right thing this last week.

The way those in care homes and their relatives have been treated is an abomination. Not only no family visitors, or any outings, but confined to their tiny rooms for at least 2 weeks at a time if there had been an outbreak. Inhuman treatment for prisoners nevermind for our loved ones.

I hope you and MrsA get some proper rest, treat yourselves kindly and do not rush to 'get things sorted out'. Nothing is urgent. Make a conscious effort to slow down and find a little peace.

Take care.

[akg1486]

I suppose many of us here on this forum have parents or other members of the same generation who are in their 80s and upwards, and not being able to see them and/or suspecting that they could have been taken care of better if it weren't for the pandemic is heartbreaking. My parents are around 80, and I feel blessed every day knowing that they are healthy, active and hardly meet anyone as they live in the countryside without too big of a social circle. And they got their first jab a couple of weeks ago. My condolences to everyone who's had it worse: there are many of you.

Going back to the original question in the thread and on a more positive note, I've become a very much better home cook. I have more time and I also have to fix many more of my own meals now that I work at home. I do go to the office once in a while, but then I bring my own food to microwave. I've only had lunch at a restaurant three times in the first three months, and I seriously doubt whether I'll go back to spending eight quid for lunch on a regular basis again: my own food is usually so much better. The only thing I miss about lunches is the social interaction with co-workers.

If there are any other foodies out there, I can heartily recommend three Youtube channels: Food Whishes, French Cooking Academy and My Name is Andong. Very different styles, but I enjoy them all and have cooked several of their recipes.