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Moderator: Flyin'Dutch'

#1690687
I agree and so does my brother. But the softly, softly approach is working better than a big push. Neither parent is worried about us running off with their stash - they know that the money flow is far more likely to be in the other direction eventually - so it is not lack of trust in us but the “system”. People who have never had legal dealings are (quite rightly IMHO) terrified of anything that requires a solicitor!
Complicated by the fact that I don’t live in England and my brother hates paperwork.
PaulB liked this
#1690741
Many thanks for all your thoughts and ideas - watching the mind of a parent deteriorate and even their character change is certainly not much fun.

We do now have a POA ready, in fact set up at the same time as we did our father's POA, and in reality we do much of my mother's day to day running of her house/bills/insurance/banking for her, as my father had done all of that when alive, so that side of things has been ok. When my father died, we did a massive paperwork clearing exercise so now everything is kept a simple as possible.

It does sound as though we need to have a discussion and meet the issue 'head on' and have a meeting with her GP with her consent - not something to look forward to, but probably the best and only way for everyone in the family to know just what her mental situation is - at least we could then go forward with a united strategy for her care.

Thanks again for all your support.
PaulB, Flyin'Dutch', Bobcro liked this
#1690777
Flyin'Dutch' wrote:
...... When a family member attends with a patient there is implied consent and it makes clear to the GP that there are concerns and what those are. The sensitivity to pick up something as early stage dementia is much better amongst relatives than medical professionals:....


Attendance with the person at the doctors is key. Our lives (me and Mrs Avtur) are totally given over to looking after Mum in law; we've moved house in order that we can provide 24/7 care under the same roof. Her main ailment is Parkinson's but there are many others running alongside including a Parkinson's related dementia.

M-i-L has not been to the doctors on her own for the best part of 5 years now. She is always accompanied by Mrs Avtur (but occasionally me). We've had no problems at all with this arrangement and it means that we are 100% informed about M-i-L's state of health. Her needs are no so complex that there isn't the remotest chance she can fully understand what she is told by doctors. We're now at a stage where she can't be trusted to take her own medications, they have to be controlled and administered by us (18 tablets per day over four different times). This would not be possible without us having 100% knowledge of her precise condition, and that is only possible because we are always in attendance at all medical interventions.

Mrs Avtur has the earlier 'enduring POA', the implications of this are widely misunderstood, Mrs Avtur has had full control of all her mum's affairs for about five years now although it has not been activated, but that's a whole different ball game.

If you want knowledge of medical status then attend the doctors with the person concerned.

Whatever happens, don't shy away from the conversation, things will only get more difficult. We have been extremely lucky that conversations have been open and inclusive of all family members, luckily there have been no misunderstandings and we've easily reached agreement on the necessary actions.
Flyin'Dutch', PaulB, Bobcro liked this
#1690829
You can no longer get enduring POA but can still activate those that existed before 2007.

Now they are called lasting POA and do need registering, but don’t need activating as such.

It’s much easier now. I’d suggest people do it before it’s needed then it can kick in when it’s needed without further effort.

Another thing that you need to think about is who the witness might be. Effectively you need a trusted friend of your relative who can have a conversation with them to ensure that they are not being coerced by anyone.

When a POA is registered, it’s sent to the person concerned to allow them to say no.

It was all very easy and no solicitors.... most importantly, because it’s done, it just sits there until it’s needed. Just start using it with consent.

I’m not sure whether this is right or wrong, but I’ve found that the “using it” is a gradual process. It started off with just the odd thing.... dealing with the bank etc. but over time has (with Mum’s consent) increased.
#1691406
POA is incredibly simple and doesn't require a solicitor.

My parents have just drawn it up to give my brother and me POA for them. They are 76 and 73 with no health issues at all at present and both fully capable of managing their own affairs.

They just turned up one weekend with some papers for me to sign (it was evidently an online template where one just fills in one's details and selects a few options). A friend of theirs had already signed to say that they weren't being coerced. A couple of weeks after that a couple of letters confirming my POA arrived in the post.
PaulB liked this