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#1591599
The trouble is that it’s painful to hold in. I held a fart in for two hours on a flight from Germany, eventually it just forced its way out with a fanfare and I was in agony.

Girlfriend at the time who was sat next to me (and the reason for me trying to avoid releasing the best from the East) called me “stupid British person. I have been farting zee whole flight. Just do it quiet geh?”
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By Flintstone
FLYER Club Member  FLYER Club Member
#1591612
Quite a few years ago I was ferrying an old Citation II to the US. It was a clapped old thing, seated around eight with the toilet being a chemical cassette toilet so only to be used ‘in extremis’.

Lacking the range for a straight flight across the Atlantic we had to fly several sectors which went Lisbon-Prestwick-Reykjavik-Sonderstromfjord-Goose Bay-Hartford-San Antonio which took three days. With no proper galley all onboard meals were cold and always seemed to include spicy flavoured crisps and cheese sandwiches so on the overnight stops we really enjoyed our hot meals.

In Sonderstrom the canteen (ex-NATO) had offered only one meal, a gamey stew that we later found out was moose. For some ridiculous reason in Hartford the next day we had chilli dogs and fries. What could possibly go wrong? :D

My insides eventually rebelled on the last sector. I apologised to my mate and headed for the caravan-type loo with a crossword book under my arm. When I got back twenty minutes later he called me a “Fungggginnnggg bfffsssskkkkbbbmmm wwaaannnnnfffffiiiggg ddddgggaaannnnyyyyrrr”. At least I think that’s what it was, he had his oxygen mask on.

A couple of hours later we were dashing to catch our connecting flight to Philadelphia for the overnight to London. We only just made it so were split up, him at the front of the cabin and me about ten rows back on the other side. I slept the entire flight and we met on the airbridge when disembarking at Heathrow. I asked him if he’d slept and he said “Right up to the part where I farted so loud I woke myself up. I must have been doing it for some time because when I looked around me everyone was asleep with their blanket pulled up over their nose”.
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