Sat Nov 21, 2020 8:35 pm
Hello Boys !
The self-depreciation society is taking applications for new members.
I've already put myself down.
How do you write, Do not touch, in Braille.
I've just started resistance training at the gym.
So far this week I've resisted training four times!
My eyesight's getting worse.
Thought I saw a Toucan outside my window
but it was a magpie eating a banana !
When we go on holiday my wife has to take a suitcase just for her knickers. God knows what we'd do if she took two pairs.
A man was found drowned, face down in a bowl of muesli -
They say he was pulled under by a strong current !
Clown divorces usually end up in a lengthy custardy battle...
I keep getting nuisance text's on my mobile phone.
The most frequent one is 'You said you were leaving the pub three hours ago'
Tried that it cost me a handbag, she said she texted me and I ignored her so she took it as ok.
My doctor told me I'm paranoid......I wonder who else he's told
The staff at London zoo didn't seem to appreciate my Rod Hull impression.........
To be fair the Emu wasn't impressed either.
Fact - If you drink your wine fast enough your smart watch thinks you're running
14 weeks until Pancake day and the shops are already selling eggs, flour and milk!
I'm looking to buy an old lighthouse - Nothing flashy
As you know I've had a few visits to hospital this year and I took part in the vaccine trials, I can report that they are great in fact I've got NHS permission to go for a bra fitting this weekend.
I went to my eye test today.
Optician said :"I want you to look into this machinery and tell me what you see.."
I replied:"I see a geezer eating a bat, pubs closed and people wearing masks "
'Fantastic '..he says 'you've got 2020 vision '
Police are investigating why the plaque on the wall outside the Colgate head office keeps disappearing.
I saw a woman with a t-shirt that said "Guess" on it.
Apparently "Implants?" was not the appropriate response..?
I add a little excitement, a little spice to your lives and all you do is complain - Q