For help, advice and discussion about stuff not related to aviation. Play nice: no religion, no politics and no axe grinding please.
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By Morten
We had a decorator in to do some work.
We got chatting and it turns out he is a BA pilot who's been furloughed and he's been earning a bit of extra cash.
He made a lovely job of the landing.
JAFO, eltonioni, Pete L and 3 others liked this
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By kanga
Morten wrote:We had a decorator in to do some work.
We got chatting and it turns out he is a BA pilot who's been furloughed and he's been earning a bit of extra cash.
He made a lovely job of the landing.

Ah, but when wallpapering, was he nervous on small strips ? :)
flybymike, T6Harvard liked this
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By Morten
kanga wrote:
Morten wrote:We had a decorator in to do some work.
We got chatting and it turns out he is a BA pilot who's been furloughed and he's been earning a bit of extra cash.
He made a lovely job of the landing.

Ah, but when wallpapering, was he nervous on small strips ? :)

His painting was OK as he rolled it nicely on, but his wallpapering was bad - it kept lifting off ;)
T6Harvard liked this
By avtur3
This is not a joke as such ... but the thread title is "bad joke" and I'd like to offer a suggestion for really, really, really bad jokes.

Has anyone played an 'adult' card game called "Cards Against Humanity"? This is a fantastic game, to be played by adults, probably best later in the evening after a couple of drinks.

The focus of the game is around generating phrases or sayings that are in the worst possible taste. The humour is blacker than black and it will lead you to laugh out loud at things you would not imagine you could laugh at.

We've played it numerous times with different groups of people, but we played it again last night with our two adult daughters and their partners, and yet again it took the conversation to unimaginable depths and extremes of bad taste that, I couldn't even hint at the nature of conversations without being immediately banned from the forum.

If you google the subject you might get a taste of how bad it is, but if you actually play it you may be surprised how you can generate and laugh at sayings in the most unbelievable bad taste.

But then it might just be me and the rest of you might be angels of impeccably good taste :lol:
Pete L liked this
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By PeteSpencer
Stolen from elsewhere :that made I larf :

My mate had builders in doing an extension and his five year old daughter decided to help. The builders gave her little jobs to do to make her feel part of the team.
At the end of the week she was presented with her 'wage packet', which consisted of £2 in small change. Her father took her to the bank to open an account with the money and she duly handed it over to the cashier.
The cashier asked how she had earned the money and she said she was helping Steve, Big Harry and Wayne build an extension.
"Wonderful." said the cashier, " and will you be helping them next week too."
She said, " I will if those wankers from Jewsons deliver the fu cking bricks on time”
Pete L, Charles Hunt, riverrock and 5 others liked this
By avtur3
Anybody interested in a free ride in a helicopter for 4 people?!
I'm looking for 2 more people to join us on Saturday 24th October. We leave early morning from Biggin Hill airfield and will fly to The river Avon where we will have breakfast and then yacht down the river for lunch.
We’ll have another flight along the coastline before returning back home.
If interested please pm me...

Preferably someone with a helicopter and yacht, otherwise we can't go.
T6Harvard, JAFO, Rjk983 liked this
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By Trent772
Hello Folks...... :clown:

I have a friend I call Blister because he shows up after all the hard work is done.

Had an appointment with my GP this morning.
She said, "Let's talk about your weight."
I said, "Well, it was about 40 minutes but it was OK, the chairs are reasonably comfortable but you could do with a few newer magazines."

Over forty years ago today, I asked my childhood sweetheart., my best friend..and the most beautiful girl I've ever met to marry me........All 3 said no.

2 pebbles on a beach, one asks, "Are you married?"
The other replies, "No, I'm shingle."

"The Corgi leapt while the Spaniel slept."
"The Poodle barked as the Doberman crept."
"The Retriever fetched when the Beagle couldn't find the fox".
That's not poetry, just doggerel.

I went to the pub last night dressed as a tennis ball. I was served straight away.

How do you coax a bear from the woods?
Put a wheel of cheese on a stick, wave it a the bear shouting “ Camembert”

The Vue cinema in Leeds was robbed last night of £754. The thieves got away with 2 packs of M&Ms, Doritos, a hand full of pick n mix and a large drink.

The inventor of the throat lozenge passed away last week.
In his honour there will be no coffin at his funeral.

When my wife and I argue, I tighten the top of every jar and bottle in the house. Just so I can say: Oh yeah, you need me now eh?

BBC News. Man dies from eating more than a bag of liquorice a day.
I guess it takes all sorts.

Use the word ‘intermittent’ in a sentence.
While I was camping it began to rain hard so I ran intermittent.

"Look, there's a flock of Elephants"
"Herd what"?
"Herd of Elephants".
"Of course I've herd of Elephants there's a flock of them over there"

Did you know that you can tell a lot about a woman just by her hands? Yes! For instance, if her hands are placed around your neck she's probably angry at you.

I came down this frosty morning.... the Grim Reaper was standing by my car waiting for me..... he helped me scrape the windscreen clear... yes, I was de-icing with death.....

The instructions on my Sunday night microwave pudding says remove outer packaging and film lid. I’ve been filming the lid with my phone for 30 minutes now but it doesn’t seem to be cooking.
Any help is appreciated, thanks in advance.

I asked a lady in the library if they had any books on paranoia. She whispered to me - “they’re right behind you”.

Went to a new restaurant in town.
The waiter said "For starters there's badger soup, followed by roast badger and finishing with badger mousse."
"Is there anything else apart from badger?" I asked.
"No", he replied. "It's a sett menu."

Did I ever tell you that my great grandfather's first job was as a comedian on the Titanic?
His one liner went down really well with his audience.

Just wondered have the Wasps rugby club got a B team?

There was an explosion at the pie factory. The blast could be heard 3.14 miles away.

A human fart can actually be louder than a trombone.
I discovered that fact at my sons school concert.

Why did they call it 'panic buying' and not 'stock home syndrome' ?

Nelly the elephant has caught Covid, she got from Trump Trump Trump.

The yacht crew were facing a crisis. Sail torn. Can't be repaired. So this lad climbs up, stands on the beam in front of the torn sail, stretches out his arms as far as they will go, his shirt flapping in the breeze. Jim asks the skipper what he's up to. Skipper says not to worry, the lad's a Painter.

Extra points if you get that one :lol:

A good few years ago my girlfriend and I were going to see my parents for the first time when her car got a flat. I rang my mum and told her than my girlfriend had a puncture, her reply was "Oh dear I hoped you had got a real one by now".

How many of you go
"Do doo do do do do". from the muppets
When they hear someone say ' Phenomenon'

My wife was disappointed to find out why my nickname in my teens was the love machine.
Basically I'm Carp at tennis.

I'll get me coat...... :mrgreen:
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By akg1486
Trent772 wrote:I have a friend I call Blister because he shows up after all the hard work is done.

This one I'll definitely put to good use! :D
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By Trent772
Labour have voted to abolish private schools. Kwite right , there's nufink wrong with state ejukashun.

A Chinese kid asks his father: "Dad, why do they say all Chinese people look alike?" He replies: "I am not your dad"

Just imagine, for a moment, if there were no hypothetical situations.

Few people knew that Albert Einstein had a brother that was an evil scientist who created a monster from body parts. His name was Frank

A bad workman always blames his fools… Tools, I meant tools. Stupid keyboard…

I phoned up a hotel and the receptionist said hello best western. I said Unforgiven with Clint Eastwood.

What’s the quickest way from Germany to Poland? Straight on, third Reich.

I need to re-home a dog. It's a small terrier, and tends to bark a lot. If you're interested, let me know and I'll jump over next door's fence and get it for you.

My extra sensitive toothpaste doesn't like it when I use other toothpastes.

If the Star ship Enterprise boldly goes where no one has gone before .... How come they always meet somebody .

"I'm going out to scrape the car," my wife said this morning. "Against what?" I replied.

I went to A & E yesterday and said to the nurse "I've been stung by a wasp. Have you got anything for it?" She said "whereabouts is it?" I said "I don't know. It'll be miles away by now"

Met this girl at a party. She said people called her Vivaldi. I asked " Is that because you're a brilliant violinist". She said " No, it's because my name is Viv and I work at Aldi."

I'm not saying people in my area have bad teeth, but one woman just smiled in Tesco and the barcode scanner picked it up as a set of saucepans.

Never trust an Electrician with fuzzy hair.

Janet Street Porter walks into a bar & says, 'Can I get a large aperitif?' Barman says, 'I doubt it'
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