For help, advice and discussion about stuff not related to aviation. Play nice: no religion, no politics and no axe grinding please.
  • 1
  • 44
  • 45
  • 46
  • 47
  • 48
User avatar
By eltonioni
#1778338
We've got terrible neighbours. Last night they were banging on the wall and screaming obscenities. It's a good job I wasn't trying to sleep, I was playing my drums at the time.
JAFO liked this
User avatar
By Trent772
#1780164
Ahaaaaaaa - It's here !

I have only just found it again. Stand by viewers 8)
User avatar
By Trent772
#1780167
There was an explosion at my local scrabble factory today, I know this from the amount of letters I received. Ha they found the culprit for the explosion, hope he gets a long sentence.


Came home drunk last night & didn't want to wake anyone so I went to the kitchen & stuck 2 french pancakes to my feet & creped up the stairs. As I then climbed into bed she said, You're drunk again. I said, what makes you think I'm drunk? She said, You live next door.


Back in the 60s Liverpool FC approached the actor Yul Brynner to advertise a brand of aftershave for them, but he turned them down...because as we all know,
Yul never wore cologne!


I went into Subway with my wife and I asked the girl behind the counter to make me a sandwich.
"no problem" she replied.
I turned to my wife and said.... "now, how hard was that?" and that's how the fight started.


The world’s largest hot air balloon show is on this weekend.
My advice: leave early; the finale is a big let-down.


Guinness drinker went to the doctor feeling badly, Ah says the Doc you have Procul Harum disorder. You need a lighter shade of ale.


The skipper of a 60-ton trawler which ran aground in Fleetwood at 3am Tuesday morning was found to be twice over the alcohol limit for sailing....................
The authorities say they've no idea what to do with the drunken sailor so early in the morning !!!!!


Great deal in the paper last night, Buy one dog get one flea.


I saw a sheep that looked like one of the Beach Boys. I said 'Who cut your hair?'
He replied ' Baarber Ann'...


My missus thinks I'm a nosey sod... I wish she would say it to my face .....instead of writing it in her diary.


Did you know that a candle flame smells like burnt nose hair.


Whilst on the operating table I told the surgeon that I wanted to do my own stitches.
He said, ‘Suture self’.


My amateur theatre group has had to abandon its plans to put on a stage version of Spartacus because everyone wanted to play the lead role.


Have you seen the new ventriloquist website? It's on gubble-u, gubble-u, gubble-u. Got.....

Vandals have removed all signs in Yorkshire. Police are currently looking for Leeds.


“So, what’s your superpower?”
Me, “perfect hindsight “
“That’s not very helpful l
Me, “yes, I see that now”.


Has Jurgen Klopp got a brother called Clippety ?.

I overheard the wife on the phone to her mate last night.
“I can't wait for next weekend!"she whispered."We're going to try all sorts of positions, and as a treat I'll do everything he asks!”
It would have been a nice surprise but she needs to start checking her calender because I'm working away that weekend!


Boy: " ls it true, Dad, that in some African countries, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?".
Father: " That happens in every country son.".


In my younger days I started a rock group called the Prevention, we were better than the Cure.

And Finally - That's all folks for now !

If anybody wants a list of all the famous Bugs Bunny quotes, I can send it to you as a WhatsApp doc.
mick w, Nick, Earl Grey and 7 others liked this
User avatar
By Trent772
#1780318
We are in a Locked In Nutters Whatsapp group..... The corn is incessant :mrgreen:

To be serious though - utterly corny as they are - and some are even worse, during this period of alleged kerfuffle, it has been something that makes you chuckle or groan.

As we look back at this, I think humour and giggles will be one of the things that folks will say got them through.

I only know 1 of the people in the group, we are going to meet for lunch soon and do a masonic reveal :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen:

Right....

I got presented with gravy granules from the Queen. It was the highest honour she could Bisto on me.
I was amazed earlier when a clown ran past me giving a nun a piggy back. I thought that is virgin on the ridiculous.

Scientists have finally confirmed that trees have their own way of communicating with each other.
it's called What Sap
MikeE liked this
By tomtytom
#1781759
Bad joke or maybe more of a prank,

Anyone who's work friends forget to lock their pc whilst away from their desk.

1, take screenshot of desktop
2, set that picture as desktop
3, more all desktop icons into a holding file
4, see how long it takes them clicking a picture of their desktop to realise something isn't right :)
By riverrock
#1781764
On most Windows 10 machines, the rarely known shortcut CTRL-ALT-<arrow key> changes the screen rotation :twisted:

A favourite when someone left their PC unlocked was to write a comedy email, then rather than send it, move the draft into their sent items folder and leave their sent items folder open on their screen.
There is a good change they will then send an apology email out to everyone for an email that was never actually sent :whistle:
User avatar
By Trent772
#1781831
I believe a lot of conflict in the wild west could have been avoided if cowboy architects had just made their towns big enough for everyone


Me: I just bought one of those Tesla self driving cars
Neighbour: really!!! that’s exciting where is it?
Me: I’ve no idea


We used to call my Grandad spider man. He’s no super hero, he just couldn't get out of the bath.


And here is the knife throwing act and his beautiful assistant...
Let's have a big round of applause for Mr Completely!


What do we want?
Low flying aircraft noises!
When do we want it?
Nnnnneeeeeoooooowwwwww.


My daughter in law asked me to buy her a baby monitor. I couldn’t find one of them, so I got her a very small iguana instead.


I've been attending nude art classes. I keep my socks on though so I've somewhere to put my paintbrushes.


A Trojan horse goes into a bar,.. two hundred and thirty two pints please
T6Harvard liked this
User avatar
By Pete L
#1782628
Truly awful wordplay on R2 as I was making my back down a no longer empty M1 on Thursday. Clothing song titles - must have been first heard on ISIHAC:

"You lost that glove in Ealing".
kanga, T6Harvard liked this
  • 1
  • 44
  • 45
  • 46
  • 47
  • 48