Mon Jun 29, 2020 10:47 am
There was an explosion at my local scrabble factory today, I know this from the amount of letters I received. Ha they found the culprit for the explosion, hope he gets a long sentence.
Came home drunk last night & didn't want to wake anyone so I went to the kitchen & stuck 2 french pancakes to my feet & creped up the stairs. As I then climbed into bed she said, You're drunk again. I said, what makes you think I'm drunk? She said, You live next door.
Back in the 60s Liverpool FC approached the actor Yul Brynner to advertise a brand of aftershave for them, but he turned them down...because as we all know,
Yul never wore cologne!
I went into Subway with my wife and I asked the girl behind the counter to make me a sandwich.
"no problem" she replied.
I turned to my wife and said.... "now, how hard was that?" and that's how the fight started.
The world’s largest hot air balloon show is on this weekend.
My advice: leave early; the finale is a big let-down.
Guinness drinker went to the doctor feeling badly, Ah says the Doc you have Procul Harum disorder. You need a lighter shade of ale.
The skipper of a 60-ton trawler which ran aground in Fleetwood at 3am Tuesday morning was found to be twice over the alcohol limit for sailing....................
The authorities say they've no idea what to do with the drunken sailor so early in the morning !!!!!
Great deal in the paper last night, Buy one dog get one flea.
I saw a sheep that looked like one of the Beach Boys. I said 'Who cut your hair?'
He replied ' Baarber Ann'...
My missus thinks I'm a nosey sod... I wish she would say it to my face .....instead of writing it in her diary.
Did you know that a candle flame smells like burnt nose hair.
Whilst on the operating table I told the surgeon that I wanted to do my own stitches.
He said, ‘Suture self’.
My amateur theatre group has had to abandon its plans to put on a stage version of Spartacus because everyone wanted to play the lead role.
Have you seen the new ventriloquist website? It's on gubble-u, gubble-u, gubble-u. Got.....
Vandals have removed all signs in Yorkshire. Police are currently looking for Leeds.
“So, what’s your superpower?”
Me, “perfect hindsight “
“That’s not very helpful l
Me, “yes, I see that now”.
Has Jurgen Klopp got a brother called Clippety ?.
I overheard the wife on the phone to her mate last night.
“I can't wait for next weekend!"she whispered."We're going to try all sorts of positions, and as a treat I'll do everything he asks!”
It would have been a nice surprise but she needs to start checking her calender because I'm working away that weekend!
Boy: " ls it true, Dad, that in some African countries, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?".
Father: " That happens in every country son.".
In my younger days I started a rock group called the Prevention, we were better than the Cure.
And Finally - That's all folks for now !
If anybody wants a list of all the famous Bugs Bunny quotes, I can send it to you as a WhatsApp doc.
I add a little excitement, a little spice to your lives and all you do is complain - Q