[Trent772]

Nicola Sturgeon was nicknamed 'seaweed' at University as "even the tide wouldn't take her out"

[Trent772]

"An official went to ask my big Auntie Nellie to come off the beach because the tide was waiting to come in."

[eltonioni]

My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well. I was amazed because I never knew they worked.

[seanxair]

Anyone fined for being out under lock-down can now apply for a refund under the new law of Cummings and Goings

[avtur3]

This made me laugh ...

[avtur3]

We've heard much about Barnard Castle this last week. Ironically there is a phrase which originates in County Durham, where something may be referred to as 'a Barney Castle' meaning it is "a pathetic excuse", how appropriate is that

Source: A Dictionary of Slang and Unconventional English

[Pete L]

Prompted by the Fish thread, I thought I'd ask "Where do Scotsmen keep their catch?"

"Under Loch and Quay".

I'll get my oilskin cape.

[Trent772]

French fishermen rule - Au Quay.....

[Bill Haddow]

And the motto of the French navy (to the water, it is the hour), in the original French:

A l'eau c'est l'heure

Bill H

[akg1486]

How do you know the Brits are the most optimistic people in the world?

The chemists sell sunscreen.

[kanga]

How do you know the Brits are the most optimistic people in the world?

The chemists sell sunscreen.

less apposite this year

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-essex-52904213

[seanxair]

Just put my dogging gear up for sale on eBay. No bids yet but I've got 12 watching

[defcribed]

...Brits are the most optimistic people...

How do you define British optimism?

"Come on Tim!"

[Trent772]

My wife asked me what would stop the stairs from creaking, Apparently slimming world was not the right answer.


I went into my local wine merchants and asked if he had a semillon, he said it was just the way his trousers were hanging.


My wife cannot stop talking,I thought she had a beauty spot on her jaw.but it was a grease nipple.


Phil Spectre’s brother, Crispin, is head of quality control at Walkers.


Stannah lifts have introduced an Express model.. it gets you upstairs and you still remember why you wanted to go.


It's impossible to get a hot cup of tea in our house. I think it's because of my daughters Polly and Sukey.


I was digging a hole in the back garden when l found a load of ancient coins. I was so excited, l ran in to tell my missus, then l remembered why l was digging the hole...


It’s said the worse time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades...

[Bill Haddow]

Prompted by the appearance of CherokeePete:

Did you hear about the Cherokee who drank 64 cups of tea after the pow-wow?
They found him next morning lying in his tee-pee.

Bill H