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Re: The bad joke thread

PostPosted:Wed Jan 31, 2018 5:43 pm
by Sir Morley Steven
What do you call. a W oman who can balance a pint of ale on her nose?
Beatrix

Re: The bad joke thread

PostPosted:Wed Jan 31, 2018 5:44 pm
by Sir Morley Steven
Knock knock
Who’s there?
M A B its a big horse.
M A B its a big horse who?
M A B its a big horse I’m a Londoner!

Re: The bad joke thread

PostPosted:Wed Jan 31, 2018 5:47 pm
by Sir Morley Steven
Knock knock
Whose their?
Grandma
Grandma who?
Grandma nazis And it’s “who’s there”

Re: The bad joke thread

PostPosted:Wed Jan 31, 2018 5:48 pm
by Sir Morley Steven
Morley goes into a bar.
“Pint please”
“Get lost, we don’t serve shorts”

Re: The bad joke thread

PostPosted:Wed Jan 31, 2018 7:03 pm
by mick w
Two bits of String go into a Bar
One is straight & tidy
The other is all screwed up & tatty
Barman turns to the tidy bit & says " we don't serve bits of String mate "
Looks at the tatty bit & says , " I just told your friend we don't serve String & you're String aren't you "
He said " no , I'm a frayed Knot !!".

Re: The bad joke thread

PostPosted:Wed Jan 31, 2018 7:04 pm
by Paul_Sengupta
Sir Morley Steven wrote:What do you call. a W oman who can balance a pint of ale on her nose?
Beatrix


What if she's playing snooker at the same time?

Re: The bad joke thread

PostPosted:Wed Jan 31, 2018 7:22 pm
by cockney steve
Beatrix Potter.

My dog's got no nose.
How does he smell ?
Terrible.

Re: The bad joke thread

PostPosted:Wed Jan 31, 2018 7:23 pm
by Dave W
Sir Morley Steven wrote:Morley goes into a bar.
“Pint please”
“Get lost, we don’t serve shorts”


That's apartheight.

Re: The bad joke thread

PostPosted:Wed Jan 31, 2018 7:32 pm
by Paul_Sengupta
A white horse goes into a pub.
Barman: "Hey, we've got a whisky named after you."
Horse: "What, Eric?"

Re: The bad joke thread

PostPosted:Wed Jan 31, 2018 7:48 pm
by PeteSpencer
Bloke takes his pet giraffe into the pub : unfortunately the giraffe gets very pi $$ed ,and keels over blocking the doorway.

Landlord : 'Ere, you can't leave that lyin' there'..

Bloke: 'Its not a lion, it's a giraffe'

Re: The bad joke thread

PostPosted:Thu Feb 01, 2018 8:58 pm
by Korenwolf
To be told with a Glaswegian accent...

"What's the difference between Bing Crosby and Walt Disney?"


"Bing sings and Walt disnae!"

Re: The bad joke thread

PostPosted:Fri Feb 02, 2018 11:57 am
by Nick
What's the difference between a rich Scotsman and a poor Scotsman?

A rich Scotsman has a canopy over his bed.
A poor Scotsman has a can o' pee under his bed.

Nick

Re: The bad joke thread

PostPosted:Fri Feb 02, 2018 12:35 pm
by cockney steve
^^^^^^^^^ And a dead Scotsman cannae pee at all .

Wall-plaque (prize) Butlins amusement park, Clacton ~1957-8

Another, same source :
Duelling : -"we drink all night and pistol dawn "

Re: The bad joke thread

PostPosted:Fri Feb 02, 2018 1:45 pm
by rf3flyer
Pretty sure that should read "we drank all night and pistol dawn ".

Re: The bad joke thread

PostPosted:Sat Feb 03, 2018 2:02 am
by cockney steve
Nope! that's grammatically incorrect. If you wish to use the past tense of "drink", you would then need to use the past tense of"pistol" (there isn't one) the joke rests on the double-entendre of vocalising it and one would not, in the day, carry a" pisdtol" no matter how rustic the dialect.