For help, advice and discussion about stuff not related to aviation. Play nice: no religion, no politics and no axe grinding please.
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By Paul_Sengupta
#1586801
Shakespeare walks into a pub. The landlord says, "Oi, you, out, you're bard."

What have Henry the Eighth and Kermit the Frog got in common?
They have the same middle name.

Viagra. It won't make you James Bond, but it could make you Roger More.

Bill Haddow wrote:Jokes which have to be told with a Scottish accent, and which are probably only understood within a 10 mile radius of Glasgow:


What's acoustic?
It's what ya hit coos with.

Rob L wrote:Do you know the difference between an elephant and a letter box?


"No."
"Then I'm not asking you to post my letter!"

MarkOlding wrote:which leads onto my all time favourite -

Man A - "Does your dog bite ?"
Man B - "No"
Man A - Pets dog and gets bitten "I thought you said your dog doesn't bite?"
Man B - "That's not my dog......"

It may loose something in print.....


In which case...

Last edited by Paul_Sengupta on Tue Jan 30, 2018 12:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Charles Hunt liked this
By Cessna57
#1586857
cockney steve wrote:Thanks for the attempt, Cessna.......now i'm totally baffled and wondering if i'm really a thicko.


Ok, it’s a face to face joke only really. Works best on kids.

Told it to my 10 year old nephew recently.

Tell it completely straight.

First they say

“hang on a minute, a duck and what?”

With a puzzled face.

Your insistence of just a duck, leads to puzzlement and merriment,

you can spot the second where they think “ok, let’s just get on with it, go on then, what’s the punchline?”

When you say

“One leg is both the same”

this leads to extra merriment as they now think you’ve gone totally bonkers. Many retorts such as “what on EARTH are you on about?”

Basically they end up laughing at you because you appear to have gone mad, and you end up laughing at them because you can see the waves of confusion / realisation.

It’s the self doubt bits when they think “I’m missing something, let’s slowly think about this”, followed closely by “no, it’s def not me, it’s him”

It’s nonsense that sounds like it might not be. That’s the beauty of it.

anyway, try it sometime :lol:
By Spooky
#1586878
Rob L wrote:
Spooky wrote:What time does Sean Connery usually arrive at Wimbledon?




Tennish


Schoolboy humour that I had not heard before, thanks! :thumleft:


Here’s another :lol:

Ash I wash walking through my houshe, a book fell on me. I had only myshelf to blame.
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By seanxair
#1587368
An Irishman walks into a pub with a parrot on his shoulder
Barman smiles: 'Where did you get that?'
Parrot: 'There's loads of them in Ireland'

(I'm Irish in case the PC police are watching)
OCB liked this
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