For help, advice and discussion about stuff not related to aviation. Play nice: no religion, no politics and no axe grinding please.
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By Bill McCarthy
#1873767
Young lady goes to doc, for a checkup “down below”.
Doc takes a look and pronounces - “your aviaries seem ok to me”
“Don’t you mean ovaries” says she.
“Well, there’s been a Cockertwo in there”
Pete L liked this
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By OCB
#1873771
Bill McCarthy wrote:Young lady goes to doc, for a checkup “down below”.
Doc takes a look and pronounces - “your aviaries seem ok to me”
“Don’t you mean ovaries” says she.
“Well, there’s been a Cockertwo in there”


:thumleft:

Sorry for misquoting this joke, which I'm sure has been posted here...

Old guy goes for lunch with his son, whose going through the whole Freshers thing

A young lady sits behind their lunch table, with a bright rainbow coloured mohican hair-do.

The old gent couldn't help be distracted by the young lady.

Eventually she gets up and demands why the old man is staring at her

He replies.."well, I did a shed load of drugs in the 60s, pretty sure I f ked a parrot at some point - was kinda wondering if you were my kid..."
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By Pete L
FLYER Club Member  FLYER Club Member
#1873846
TravellerBob wrote:
akg1486 wrote:
PeteSpencer wrote:“She sells C cells by the Seashore.”

In the 90s, part of my job was writing UNIX scripts. So you could say that I "sold C-shells", albeit not at the seashore.

If tenuous links had an awards night, you just won gold. Great effort. :pig:


Yeah, but was that a tenuous hard or symbolic link?
TravellerBob, kanga, OCB liked this
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By OCB
#1873959
Swiped from a somewhat amusing FB group I follow:

A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar.
They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together.
They get back to his place and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with sweet cuddly teddy bears.
Hundreds of cute little bears on a shelf all the way along the floor.
Cuddly medium sized ones on a shelf a little higher, and huge enormous bears on the top shelf along the wall.
The woman is a bit surprised that a man would have such a collection of teddy bears, especially one so extensive, but she decides not to mention this to him and is actually quite impressed that he can so freely express his sensitive side.
She turns to him ... they kiss .... and then they rip each others clothes off and make hot steamy love.
After an intense night of passion with this sensitive man they are lying together in the afterglow, the woman leans in to him and whispers "Well, how was it?"
The man says "Not bad, help yourself to any prize from the bottom shelf."
By TravellerBob
#1874449
What’s the different between a cat and a comma?
A cat has claws at the end of paws; A comma is a pause at the end of a clause.

What do you call a magic dog?
A labracadabrador.

What do you call an apology written in dots and dashes?
Re-Morse code.

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
She looked at me surprised.

What do you call a rooster staring at a pile of lettuce?
A chicken sees a salad.

I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage.
I lost my case.
Paultheparaglider, OCB, Awful Charlie and 1 others liked this
By Bill McCarthy
#1874453
True dit.
Shipmate goes round to a friends house to pick him up for a run ashore. He waited ages at the door for him to open it and asked him WTF it took him so long. “My wife may be pregnant” says he. “Oh well done, how far gone is she”
“Oooh, about five minutes”
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By akg1486
#1874457
Bill McCarthy wrote:True dit.
Shipmate goes round to a friends house to pick him up for a run ashore. He waited ages at the door for him to open it and asked him WTF it took him so long. “My wife may be pregnant” says he. “Oh well done, how far gone is she”
“Oooh, about five minutes”

Another version:

A young woman enters a crowded bus with not a single free seat. She looks around and then talks to a seated man:
- Aren't you going to offer your seat to a pregnant woman?
The man immediately rises and offers the woman the seat, apologizing profusely. He keeps looking at her, though, since she appears to be very slim indeed. After a while, he addresses her:
- Pardon me, madam, but it's not showing?
- No, it's only been five minutes.
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By PeteSpencer
FLYER Club Member  FLYER Club Member
#1876016
A Farmer was leaning on a farm gate, sucking wistfully on a straw and gazing into the cornfield which had been completely harvested except for a patch 6ft by 2ft and a patch 3ft square nearby which had been left uncut.

A rambler approached him and asked: 'Forgive me for asking , but why hasn't that oblong patch been cut.

Farmer 'weeeeell, tha's where oi 'ad moi furst lurve, an' I allus leaves that uncut in memory'

Rambler ' but what's that square patch over there?'

'Weeell, tha's where 'er muther stood'.

'Her mother ??! what on earth did she say?'

'Baaaaaaaaaa......,'
flybymike, OCB, Nick liked this
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By OCB
#1876097
Young lad from the west coast of Scotland gets a scholarship to that fancy Gordonstoun.

His first physics class / the teacher asks “what is inertia”?

The young lad replies enthusiastically “Burns Cottage!!!”

(Cryptic phonetic joke I know, but I hope “the usual suspects” will come along to explain) ;)
kanga, Pete L liked this
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By akg1486
#1876117
OCB wrote:(Cryptic phonetic joke I know, but I hope “the usual suspects” will come along to explain) ;)

I'll be waiting! :thumleft: :lol:
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By T6Harvard
FLYER Club Member  FLYER Club Member
#1876119
Put you out of your misery....

Sounds like 'What is in Ayrshire?' (Typo corrected although still evidenced in following post :roll: )

Hmmm, leaves me Mull-ing over the fact that this is the bad joke thread.
Last edited by T6Harvard on Wed Oct 13, 2021 8:03 am, edited 1 time in total.
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