For help, advice and discussion about stuff not related to aviation. Play nice: no religion, no politics and no axe grinding please.
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User avatar
By Trent772
#1860569
When I went for my second jab the nurse said "I see you have an iron deficiency."
I said "how can you tell"
She said "Your shirt's really creased"


I popped into the bank today, and the lady started singing DOWNTOWN, I thought what a peculiar clerk.


I was in a bad car accident last week and police have been examining the skid-marks to investigate what happened.
So far they have worked out that the other driver was more scared than me


The main difference between a man and a woman is that if a woman says smell this it's usually quite nice....


Although this is old, it is worth a chuckle again.

The following is an actual question given on a University of Arizona chemistry mid term, and an actual answer turned in by a student.
The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving, which is unlikely. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.
Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct..... ....leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.


She’s not speaking to me right now. All because I wouldn’t open the car door for her ....
It's not my fault, I just panicked and swam to the surface .....


If you buy an electric car you get a free dog with it, so that you don't have to walk home on your own.


I'm well shattered, no sleep since Saturday, due to some horrid metal clanking noises outside my bedroom window.
That's 2 knights running now.


In the spirit of Wimbledon fortnight I bought a punnet of strawberries and looked to the internet for the best way to serve them.
It suggested that I halve the strawberries, dust with icing sugar, and pile cream on top.
A word to the wise - pile cream tastes disgusting.


Have now found the definite answer to the difference between a African elephant and an Indian. The Indian makes a better curry.


That's the last time I try boxing with a pirate......He caught me with a left hook.


I achieved my personal best in the 100 metres today....
73 metres.


As I stepped out of the shower I said to my wife ''Its too hot to wear clothes today, what do you suppose the neighbours will think if I mowed the lawn like this??"
She said ''probably that I married you for your money”
JAFO, eltonioni liked this
User avatar
By Charles Hunt
#1861545
shamelessly lifted....


Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning." Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble. "Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong." She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along."
seanxair, eltonioni, GrahamB and 2 others liked this
User avatar
By akg1486
#1862746
The singer in the video posted by @avtur3 reminded me of poor Dusty Hill from ZZ Top who passed away a few days ago. :(
Charles Hunt liked this
User avatar
By Charles Hunt
#1862870
I could only guess that was a ZZTop track. Google took me straight to the youtube video. Just as well I'm having a lie down anyway.
User avatar
By eltonioni
#1862875
@Charles Hunt you'll need a lie down after this cover by Mr & Mrs Fripp.
nallen liked this
By Forfoxake
FLYER Club Member  FLYER Club Member
#1862878
When I went for my second jab the nurse said "I see you have an iron deficiency."
I said "how can you tell"
She said "Your shirt's really creased"

A cracker, though it's a jag in most of Scotland!
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