For help, advice and discussion about stuff not related to aviation. Play nice: no religion, no politics and no axe grinding please.
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User avatar
By PeteSpencer
FLYER Club Member  FLYER Club Member
#1890980
Dave was bragging to his boss one day,
"You know, I know everyone famous there is to know"
"Go on - Just name someone, anyone, and I bet that know them"
Tired of his boasting, his boss decides to call Dave's bluff,
"OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?"
"Not a problem boss"
"Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it"
So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door.
Tom Cruise is at home and answers the door himself and shouts,
"Dave! What's happening?"
"Great to see you!"
"Come on in for a beer!
Although shocked and more than a little impressed, Dave's boss is still sceptical and he tells Dave that he thinks him knowing Cruise was just pure luck.
"No, no, just name anyone else then"
Dave says.
"President Biden!"
His boss quickly retorts.
"Yup"
Dave says, "We're buddies from years ago"
"Let's fly out to Washington and I'll show you"
So they fly out to Washington and go on the Whitehouse tour"
"While walking through the White House, Biden himself appears, spots Dave on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying,
"Dave, what a surprise,it's great to see you again after all this time"
"I was just on my way to a meeting but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up"
After they leave the White House grounds the bus tells Dave that he's still not entirely convinced.
Dave again implores him to name another famous person.
After thinking about it for a long timethe boss replies with,
"The Pope!"
"Sure thing!"
Says Dave,
"I've known the Pope for years - since before he became Pope in fact"
So off they fly to Rome.
Dave and his boss are assembled with the masses in Saint Peter's Square at the Vatican.
Dave says,
"This will never work"
"I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people"
"Tell you what, I know all the Pope's guards here as well so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope."
Sure enough, half an hour later Dave emerges with the Pope on the balcony, but by the time Dave returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.
Making his way to his boss' side, Dave asks him,
"What happened?"
His boss looks up and says,
"It was the final straw"
"You and the Pope came out on the balcony and a Japanese tourist next to me said, to me... "
"Who the hell is that on the balcony with Dave?"
eltonioni, Aerials, Rich V and 1 others liked this
User avatar
By Trent772
#1890989
Heeeeeeere's New Years Eve



I went to a taxidermy class tonight.
It only lasted for 30 minutes, but they still managed to cram a lot in.


At the beginning of this year I made a promise (to myself) to lose 2st by Christmas
Only got 3st to go.....


Who are we?
Women
What do we want?
We don't know
When do we want it?
Now


Just manufactured the first mind controlled air freshener. Makes scents when you think about it.


My wife will buy anything marked down.
Last year she bought an escalator.


My wife woke up with a puzzled look on her face this morning.
She had fallen asleep on her jigsaw


I look at Britain these days and think, "This is not the country my Granddad fought for."...
Mind you, he was in the Luftwaffe.


So I said to the decorator: "What is Satin Finish?"
He said: "No idea, but if it's any help I know what Chair is in Swedish".


I just saw an empty police van go past.
I thought hmm ... they're taking no prisoners.


"Can you get some bleach, washing powder and some shake and vac while you're out?" My wife asked.
"Can you not wait until you’ve opened your presents tomorrow?" I replied.


I Just wanted to take a minute to wish you all a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, most of all good health! These days people don't spend much time or thought on some personal words to their friends and family, they just copy and paste some random shart and send it on.
So, after all we've been though together this year I want to thank you for your friendship and wish you a happy 2018!
You are the best gymnastics group anyone could ask for.
Best wishes, Judith xx


Whenever I hear about a whale washing up on the beach,....I always wonder "How big were the rubber gloves?"


For want of conversation at the Christmas dinner table yesterday I said, "I hear the water levels in Devon have been pretty substantial."
"Parsnips?" my Wife interjected.
"Well I don't know if it's gone chest high, but it's pretty deep."


I don't know what's scarier at this point, taking a lateral flow or weighing yourself


BREAKING NEWS . The England cricket team has officially beat the Wuhan Street market for the worst use of a bat ever.


My eye doctor told me that my test results came back. I asked if I could see them and she said, “probably not.”


If I had a pound for every time I went to Morrisons
I would be able to use their trolleys.


Just found pebbles stuck in my pond filter.
Fred and Wilma are going to be devastated.


As this year ends and a new one begins, remember, plenty of nookie keeps the brain active. Happy 2019 everyone


I have a friend called Jay.
We call him 'J' for short.


I’m selling a Mohammed Ali DVD and a George Foreman Grill… Both boxed…

(sorry... I'll get me coat...)



Mother nature," you can't have all the seasons in a week"
Yorkshire, " hold my beer"


I've just created a new game show about making hats.
It’s called
‘Who wants to be a milliner?’


My Irish neighbour has put 'Missing Cat' posters all over the trees on our estate.
I said to him, "I thought your cat died last week, Paddy?"
"It did," he replied, "That's why I'm missing him."

That's All Folks........ For 2021 :clown:
Aerials, flybymike, FlightDek and 3 others liked this
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