For help, advice and discussion about stuff not related to aviation. Play nice: no religion, no politics and no axe grinding please.
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By OCB
#1608977
...which reminds me.....might already be in this lot...two Nuns sitting on a park bench enjoying God's glorious nature.

A flasher comes by and opens his mac ... the coat, not the computer....

The first Nun, totally overcome with shock had a stroke.

The other one was just out of reach......

:roll:
User avatar
By OCB
#1608989
..and to paraphrase a certain William Connelly...

”do you smoke after making love?”

“Can’t say I’ve ever noticed”....
By Nick
FLYER Club Member  FLYER Club Member
#1609150
OCB wrote:..and to paraphrase a certain William Connelly...

”do you smoke after making love?”

“Can’t say I’ve ever noticed”....


That's the way to screw!

Nick.
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By Flintstone
FLYER Club Member  FLYER Club Member
#1609165
Grandad is placed in a nursing home by his family but on moving in day he’s clearly not happy. “Leave him with me for a bit” says Matron and she takes him on a guided tour.

They finish in the gardens and sit on a bench, admiring the view, while Matron points out all the interesting features. After a while the old boy slowly tilts to one side so Matron, being the caring kind, gently pushes the old boy back up straight. A few minutes later he begins to fall the other way so she very carefully put her arm around his shoulders and eased him upright.

Just after this the family appear. “Alright Grandad? Now you’ve had a good look around what do you think?”. “Well” he says “It’s quite a nice place except for one thing. They won’t let you fart”.
flybymike, GrahamB, Trent772 liked this
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By OCB
#1609236
Nick wrote:
OCB wrote:..and to paraphrase a certain William Connelly...

”do you smoke after making love?”

“Can’t say I’ve ever noticed”....


That's the way to screw!

Nick.


Another one of his was “condoms - can’t stand the things. I hate the smell of burning rubber” :roll:
Nick liked this
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By akg1486
#1609832
condor17 wrote:New one on me .... just heard it today .

Today is Star Wars day ....

Why ?

May the 4th be with you ..

Boom , Boom .

condor

Reportedly first used in 1979 to congratulate Margret Thatcher on becoming PM. So the joke turns 39 this year. :D
By Bill McCarthy
#1609845
On the smoking after sex - overheard in a bar in the Barbican area of Plymouth a few RN wardroom types were having a run ashore.
"Well Fiona, do you smoke after sex"
"Actually, I steam" was her reply.
User avatar
By tomshep
#1610139
My credit rating is so good that having moved me up from gold card to platinum card, I've been issued with a plutonium card.
It's burning a hole in my pocket.
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By OCB
#1610211
stickandrudderman wrote:
How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Fish!

It depends how bright they are.

I'll up you a 27b/6 and wager a whale and a bowl of petunias.
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By OCB
#1610326
For beer lovers.

The monks at Grimbergen have decided to make an Abbey version of the famous beer, using the traditional recipe.

Only problem is, they were all so p1she’d they can’t find the recipe....
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By Flintstone
FLYER Club Member  FLYER Club Member
#1611528
Not so much a bad joke as a practical joke.

Just got home from a trip during which we were line training a new first officer. Before leaving I set this up with our engineer who we shall call Jon.

During preparation for the transatlantic leg home I opened the printer, unrolled the paper, stuck in a £20 note and rolled it back up. Around 30W I sent a message to Jon via Datalink, “Any chance of that £20 I loaned you?”. He replied, “Sorry, I forgot. £20 attached”.

I then asked the FO to print it and tear off the message, complete with £20 note. :D 8)
kanga, Trent772, Dave W and 4 others liked this
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